here we go

you’ve gotta hope that there’s someone for you
as strange as you are
who can cope with the things that you do
without trying too hard

because you can bend the truth
until it’s suiting you
these things that you’re wrapping all around you
you never know what they will amount to
and your life is just going on without you
it’s the end of the things you know
here we go

you’ve gotta know that there’s more to this world
than what you have seen
because we all have a limited view
of what we can be

as we move along with our blinders on
each one of us feels a little stranded
and you can’t explain or understand it
each one of us on a different planet
and amidst all the to and fro
someone can say hello
here we go

the feeling that someone really gets you
it’s something that no one should object to
it could happen today
so i suggest you skip your habit of laying low
it’s the end of the things you know
here we go

because someone can say “hello,
you old so and so, here we go”
______________

part of me has no idea what to do next or if i will ever even be able to do what i need or want to do next. so, i guess i’m just going to change into my zorro costume after work tonight, go out and distract myself.

little black shoe,

after roughly two months of being in my father’s truck, we meet again. i reunite you with your mate, the right little black shoe, and think there should be a celebration of sorts. maybe a cake should be baked, hands shaken, but we’re out of cake mix, and shoes don’t have hands. so i’m just going to wear you both while i lay on my floor and listen to otis redding.

i’ve lost the funny?

where’s it gone?

.. this assumption could be true, but i’m not sure yet. besides, everyone knows what they say about assumptions. i used to be a fairly amusing person, but now it’s just gone.

i’m still perfectly capable of telling when something is funny and reacting to it, but as far as making my own jokes, lately the world moves in slow-motion. unfortunately, it’s not the good kind of slow-motion that they say happens when you’re around somebody you fancy ( although for me, things tend to just speed up ) or when you’re finally mastering something difficult.

i’ve moved past being depressed by all this. now i’m just really annoyed. rarely am i sad about feeling sad, i just get really frustrated about being sad. i simply want to know what i can do. that’s it.

either i really need a change of scenery ( montreal is a possibility ), or three years of little to no romantic involvement or interest is finally really starting to take it’s toll. sure, it sounds pathetic, but humans are naturally social creatures, some more than others. people say i’m picky, but i’d rather just deal with being lonely than jump a ship that i know is going to sink. so i guess it’s off to montreal for me.

it was october and the horses were fed

i was resting my chin on the window sill and suddenly it hit me that i wasn’t serving any purpose at all and that i haven’t been for a long time. suddenly i realized that i was right.

and two hours later, i still don’t know what to do about it.
and a day from now, i won’t know what to do about it.
and a week from now, i won’t know what to do about it.

i don’t want to give up. i just need a goddamn hint.

i actually hate it when this happens:

“shoulders, tiger-striped by bedsheets.”

like amandine poulain, i strongly dislike the marks left on any exposed portion of my body that dare rest too long on a section of rumpled sheet or clothing. in my experiences, they don’t disappear if you try to rub them away, or if you keep checking to see if they’re gone. it’s like making toast, getting pandas to mate, or boiling water. nothing happens if you check on it or keep watching it. still, this was a sentence that popped into my head. i find it pretty, and it was impossible for me to ignore and not take some note of for future reference.

grow up

there are many things i can see myself growing into and growing out of ( actually remembering how to swipe my debit card, fill out a deposit slip, not get nervous when i have to pump gas just because i saw some guy talking on his cellphone, not freaking out when i have to drive, remembering to clock in ), but never. never, ever will i stop carrying around some sort of device that plays music.

when i shop, pay for gas, talk to the bank teller, talk to store clerks, walk around hte flea market, when i eat alone at a restraunt, i am usually either listening to music or there’s some sort of device in my ears, ready to play any one of my favorite tunes at the press of a button.

however, everyone seems to assume that just because i’m wearing headsets or have got buds lodged into my ear canals that i can’t hear a single word they’re saying. they pause, look at me for nearly a minute until i finally have to initiate conversation, letting them know that i’m not some sort of idiot with egg on my face.

it’s called a pause button, people.

demain, aujourd’hui.

it is 4:45 AM
october 2, 2008

today, i will wake up before 10 AM, make breakfast, eat breakfast, shower, charge my cellphone and check my email, get dressed, feed my cat and dogs and spend the entire day pretending i live in paris, even when i pass the bi-lo and the BP station on my way to the bank.