this christmas, i would like to attend midnight mass.

it’s something i’ve always wanted to do, but have somehow never been able to. there is, of course, my slight apprehension about going alone for the first time. i have never even been in a catholic church and would not know what to do and what not to do. ideally, i would just like to slip in unnoticed and sit quietly the entire time. i doubt i would take communion, i just want to be there.

unfortunately, my only semi-close catholic friend lives hours and hours away. so, the trouble is finding someone who:

• isn’t particularly busy on christmas eve ( be it with family parties, etc. etc. )
• also wants to sit someplace completely unfamiliar through something they may or may not know anything about
• can at least vaguely appreciate the service, even just asthetically. i’m not necessarily there for some divine re-awakening either.

whenever i bring it up to people, most shy away ( with some, you’d think i was suggesting a three-way ) or don’t really seem as enthused about the idea as i am.

now, granted, i’m not as well-versed in the catholicism ( or all religions ) as i’d like to be, the overall subject has never ceased to interest me. what i do know, i’ve read from textbooks, seen in documentaries and have been told by other people. i have yet to dedicate myself to reading any sort of sacred text, but that doesn’t mean my curiosity is waning. my general attitude towards religion in general is difficult for me to explain, even to myself. the term ‘agnostic’ is a godsend ( pun not intended ), simply because i can’t entirely consider myself an athiest, but i can’t commit to any sort of faith either. i’m on the fence, and i just want to feel the peace i think can come from sitting in a dimly-lit catholic church on christmas eve, through the purported hour of christ’s birth, etc. etc. this is my holiday wish.

saint margaret and the dragon

is there more to know about a single person’s ideals and beliefs, or facts in the enitre world?

at first, i assumed that there were more facts.  then again, one has to consider that religion falls under the category of beliefs and there is a “metric shit-ton” to know about any one of the world’s religions. so now, i really have no idea, and i get the sinking feeling that there is no answer to my question.

 

on another note, the weather is gradually getting more and more appealing. especially in the afternoons. at night, my family is cranking the heat up while i am barricading the vents and the crack under my bedroom door with towels. the way i see it, a chilly room just makes the bed that much more inviting, so sleep comes far easier. as a result though, it’s far more difficult to leave a warm bed and step into a cold closet.

 

i’ve made my choice though.